Time Allocation

The clock is ticking down, down, down to the wedding.

That’s my excuse for, well, everything, including not updating this blog.  However, I sent in a submission to Beyond BT a little bit ago about time allocation, and they published it today.

You can also check out my wedding website and wedding blog.

I don’t feel stressed about the impending big day in the way that I thought I would.  I have zero doubts I have chosen the love of my life (cue the “awww”) but I am rather more concerned about the personal and spiritual implications of the day.  It’s a mini Yom Kippur but a HUGE chance to start over.  All I see lately is what I lack instead of what I’m gaining.  How do I want my life to be different as I turn a new leaf?  How do I want my home to be?  I don’t have an image of my ideal wedding, but I do have an image of how I’d like my home to be.  How will I feel and what will I do if it doesn’t live up to those expectations?

Ironically, as I become more stressed about it, the further I get from where I want to be.  The later I sleep in, the less connected I feel to Hashem.  I’m grappling for answers instead of letting go.  And I must, because time stops for no one.

One of the things I am enjoying in the meantime is my kallah rockstar status.  Sometimes I enter a room and get greeted with “It’s the kallah!”  (My response? “Holla!”)  Some people have expressed some sort of honor or appreciation that I am giving them my time. Oh how do I explain that I am regularly this stressed about seemingly less significant life events and that all the planning hasn’t been that big of a deal compared to other logistical and emotional hurdles I’ve vaulted over or stumbled through?

The groom gets his honors too.  Last week was his Shabbat chattan where he got called up to the Torah for an aliyah and kiddush munchies afterwards.  Lots of strangers (to me) at the synagogue came up to me to wish me Mazel Tov.  Also, when a groom is in a minyan, the participants don’t have to say tachanun (a series of lamentations).

I sent out an e-mail recently to some family and friends for prayer requests.  Because a wedding day has great spiritual significance, brides have extra power to pray on others’ behalf.  If you’d like to submit a prayer request to the kallah, e-mail it to ilene [at] ilenerosenblum.com.

There’s been a lot of waiting… for Noach to get out of the army… for him to present me with the ring and the big question… and now this.  I’m often in a suspension of belief.

I was told last night that the wedding will be a success if we come out of it married.  I’ll focus on that.


3 Responses to “Time Allocation”

  1. 1 Jen February 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    You are in a very good place if you’re thinking more about the home you want to build than the details of your wedding day. You’re in a holy space! Nerves serve their purpose! Try to be with the nerves, and after it’s over, you and Noach will be with the relative quiet and the newness. Mazal tov!

  2. 2 ilana Gutman February 26, 2011 at 12:40 am

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Your nervousness, qualms, uncertainties are more than natural. I’ve been married for more than 30 years, and each morning when I wake to see the same man sleeping beside me, I think to myself, “Oh my G-d? This whole soul mate, true love fairy tale business is actually true?” As Rita Rudner said, “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Mazel Tov!

    • 3 Ilene March 12, 2011 at 8:23 pm

      Hi Ilana,

      Thanks for writing in. Coincidentally, my new name, after the paperwork is processed, will be Ilana Guttman.

      Several people who give relationship advice have told me that all the romantic stuff is total garbage. I’m going on record saying that it’s not. I love it when my husband buys me flowers for Shabbat or just because, and when he tells me that I look beautiful even with no makeup on. The fact that there is substance behind our relationship and that he is more than just good lines is what makes it work. But the sweet talk doesn’t hurt!

      We haven’t been married long enough to annoy each other yet 😉

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Ilene Rosenblum is a writer and marketing professional living in Jerusalem.

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